Eyes Unopened

is a question I ask myself pretty much daily.

Sometimes out of sadness.

[there is a new girl living at one of the orphanages. how could anyone not love this sweet, smart child?]

Sometimes out of wonder.

[i converse in a language that I did not begin to learn until I was 21 years old. how is this possible?]

Sometimes our of confusion.

[the hospital refuses to admit a patient until opening again on Monday. It’s Sunday night and she has no where to go. how can a hospital not admit a patient?]

Sometimes out of being overwhelmed.

[a five year old boy can’t speak not because of a physical problem, but because he lives with his grandparents who are both deaf and mute. how can we prepare him for school now?]

[a 19 year old girl who has trouble thinking past today now has a week old daughter who needs to learn to think about her future. how can we help them both?]

[seven graduates from one orphanage are living in two cities going to tech school— learning little and getting into trouble more often than not. in May they will be nine. how do we help them academically, emotionally, physically, and spiritually?]

But mostly, out of sheer joy.

[i am living eternal life with my Savior and my King]

[i sled down hills with the most amazing kids]

[i hear my name spoken 1,000 ways: Lori, Lora, Lara, Lorichka, Lorushka, (don’t forget to roll the r in all variations)]

[i sing songs in Russian, English and Ukrainian. Ukrainian being my favorite most days.]

[i sit on a couch and play Uno with orphans who have opened their home to me]

[i am called over by a teacher saying “thank you for not forgetting about us”]

[i am met with prayed for snow on Chirstmas eve]

[i have friends who read the Bible and pray with me. Who encourage me in ministry]

[a friend’s mom is constantly welcoming me into her home, feeding me and encouraging me to rest]

[two of my closest friends are girls who a little over a year ago would tell you that they attend worship night to sing karaoke; now they worship beautifully in Spirit and in Truth. Not just on Sunday nights, but each day of their lives.]

[a child gifts me an ark he made in art class and reminds me that God keeps His promises]

[a grad of ours that’s been MIA and whom I’ve been praying for for months finds and approaches me at the train station one afternoon]

[i get a midnight phone call from another of our grads asking me to pray for him and his friends]

[Alina shows up for her English lesson and announces “I love Jesus now!!!”]

is this real life is a question I ask myself pretty much daily;

and weather that question comes from feelings of complete inadequacy or of deep joy, it ALWAYS leads me to my knees.